


We're Lost In This But It Feels Like Home

by arthurpendragonz



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2013-07-07
Packaged: 2017-12-18 01:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arthurpendragonz/pseuds/arthurpendragonz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Damon comes to say goodbye but Elena realises she can't just let him walk away without telling him the truth. She's tired of fighting and maybe it's time to give up... Slightly AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Lost In This But It Feels Like Home

Elena was tired. She was tired of fighting, tired of lying and most of all she was tired of pretending. She was tired of trying so damned hard to do the right thing only to feel like she was losing herself in the process, and that was before Katherine came back.

When Damon had confronted her at the hospital about the 'kiss' she'd wondered whether one of her dreams had actually manifested itself into reality because she was damn sure she'd have remembered kissing him.

He'd seemed so disappointed when he'd realised she was telling the truth. That she actually had no idea what he was talking about. That's when they'd realised that it wasn't her who'd kissed him, but Katherine. The bitch herself had finally made an appearance in Mystic Falls, once again toying with a Salvatore brother.

Elena didn't know whether she was angrier at the fact that Katherine had pretended to be her or that she'd done it just to mess with Damon's head. She also didn't know how to feel about the fact that Damon had thought she'd kissed him back.

He knew she loved Stefan, that she would never betray him like that, yet he'd seemed certain it was Elena who'd kissed him and the flash of disappointment and hurt in his eyes when she'd told him she was surprised he'd think she'd kiss him back made her feel guilty. And dammit she should not feel guilty about it when she'd been perfectly clear that they were never going to happen.

There was something between them. She knew it. He definitely knew it. But it could never be anything more than an understanding. She couldn't act on it because she refused to come between the brothers and she'd already made her choice.

So everyday she fought him. Fought them. It never got easier because the harder she tried to fight off her feelings for him, bury them and smother the flame he ignited in her, the more she wanted to give in. She knew that she probably loved him but she couldn't hurt Stefan like that especially because she knew Damon only wanted her because she was Stefan's.

She sighed, frustrated once again at the fact that her life felt like the messiest soap opera on the planet. She wished she could go back to how it was before her parents died, when life was simpler, but she knew she wouldn't trade knowing the Salvatore brothers just so life could be easy.

Elena finished brushing her teeth and turned around, walking back into her bedroom and pulling her duvet up to crawl beneath it. She took a deep breath to calm herself before reaching across to her bedside table and grabbing her diary. She needed to vent and her diary was the only way she could sort out the mixed up bundle of feelings threatening to engulf her.

After writing for 20 minutes she sensed a presence and looked to the bedroom window just in time to see Damon ducking into her room from the tree branch outside.

"You know I'm pretty sure it was the door that was invented for the purpose of entering buildings, not the window. There's also knocking, you know, that thing you do to tell someone you want to come in before you actually enter." Elena smirked.

"I thought it was every girls fantasy to have a sexy, charming guy climbing the tree outside and sneaking into their bedroom through the window." Damon winked and walked over to the bed sitting at the bottom and throwing Elena his sexiest smile.

"Not when it's their boyfriend's brother who's doing it." She replied rolling her eyes and putting her diary back in her bedside cabinet.

"Writing about me?" He smirked.

"If I were it wouldn't be anything nice." Elena said leaning back against her headboard.

"See that would hurt if you weren't such a terrible liar." Damon said shaking his head.

"If you say so. Why are you here anyway?" She asked.

"Do I need a reason to see you?" He replied.

"No but it's late and if you're not here for any particular reason then can you go because I really need some sleep." Elena said pulling the covers up. She'd been having nightmares for a full week and it was starting to exhaust her.

"But sleeps so boring. I can think of more interesting things to do in bed." Damon winked and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"I'm sure you can but unfortunately for you I'm not that type of girl so, bye Damon." She closed her eyes and turned on her side towards the window.

Feeling him stand up from the bed she breathed a quiet sigh of relief. It quickly turned into a gasp though when her eyes flew open as she felt Damon lay down under the covers beside her.

"What the hell are you doing?" She nearly shrieked, sitting up and moving as far away from him as possible.

"Well at the moment I'm lying in bed with you." He smiled.

"I can see that but why?" She hissed, heart racing due to his proximity and the fact he was in her bed.

"I need to tell you something." He said suddenly turning serious. "I actually came to say goodbye but I need to say something first."

"What do you mean say goodbye. Where are you going?" Elena asked confused.

"I'm leaving town. For good. I don't know where yet but I can't stay here anymore. It hurts too much." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He looked nervous and scared, two emotions she had never seen on Damon Salvatore's face.

"What hurts too much? I don't understand." Elena was getting slightly upset now, panicked actually, but she was trying not to show it.

"Seeing you with Stefan everyday kills me. I can't stand to see him kissing you and you kissing him back. I hate that you're with him. I hate that you love him because I love you and I can't take it anymore." He took another deep breath eyes still closed.

"I love you and I can never have you. I know you love Stefan and that it will always be Stefan but I can't watch you with him anymore. I just needed you to know the truth, even if it doesn't change anything, because I can't leave without you knowing how I feel. It's why I tried to kiss you on Founder's Day. I know you don't feel the same but I have to tell you anyway. It's the scariest thing I've ever done in my life telling you this but I can't put up walls with you anymore. I can't pretend that I'm just your friend, that I want us just to be friends because we're more. We've always been more you just refuse to see it. I'm sick of pretending and I can't be selfish with you anymore either. I don't deserve you but my brother does. I'll stay away and you can forget about me and who knows maybe, if you decide to turn, we'll run into each other in a couple hundred years time." He smiled sadly and leapt up turning his back on her and walking towards the window. "Goodbye, Elena."

Elena had been sat frozen in shock at his sudden confession. How had she not realised that he felt as strongly for her as she was beginning to feel for him? She'd thought he was merely toying with her to anger Stefan. His plaything until something better came along. God she was so stupid.

"No. You don't get to make some big, epic speech about how you feel and how you're doing this for me and then walk away without even hearing what I've got to say." Elena said standing up from the bed and turning towards him. He remained still with his back towards her.

"I know what you're going to say and I'm not going to wait around to hear it only to get my heart ripped out again by another person I love but will never be loved back by." Damon whispered.

"I didn't realise you could read minds now. You may want to improve that skill because that's not what I'd say." Elena replied voice shaking from fear of what she was about to do.

Damon turned around and looked at her in defeat. "You would try to say it without hurting me but nothing you could say could make what I feel for you any easier to deal with. I know you'll never love me in that way. You've made yourself perfectly clear on the whole 'it will always be Stefan' debate so spare me the sympathetic rejection and just say goodbye."

"Damon for once in your life shut up and listen. I'm trying to tell you that I love you too, you idiot." Elena sighed in exasperation and relief at finally admitting what she'd felt for months now.

It was Damon's turn to freeze in shock, utter disbelief etched across his face as Elena hurried to continue.

"When I told you it would always be Stefan, I lied. I didn't want to love you because I already loved Stefan. I do still love Stefan but I don't love him like I love you." She was openly crying now, tears falling silently down her cheeks as she struggled to explain how she felt before he left her forever.

"You were right when you said I was lying to myself. I was. But I can't lie anymore because I can't lose you. You're the only one who understands me and I'm sorry it took so long for me to realise and I'll understand if it's too late, if I've hurt you too much, but you can't leave without knowing how I feel. I love you, Damon. More than I've ever loved anyone my entire life. I don't know what it means and I don't know if it will work but I can't ignore it anymore. I can't be with Stefan anymore when I'm in love with you." Elena sank back on the bed and looked away from him.

"I don't love him enough to turn for him but when I think about being with you I can't imagine ever leaving you. I'm sorry that I've hurt you and I'm sorry that you think you don't deserve me because it's me that doesn't deserve you. You may not see it but you deserve to be loved. It's me who doesn't deserve you after all the pain I've put you through but I can't not be selfish with you because I need you and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to realise that. Because somewhere between all our laughs, long talks, stupid little fights and all our jokes, I fell in love."

Elena let out a deep, shaky breath fighting to calm herself down. She would not break no matter what he said. It was all her fault if she'd lost him forever, hurt him too badly that nothing she said could repair the damage. She wiped away her tears and tried her best to pull herself together.

"Love doesn't walk away, people do." Damon whispered to himself shaking his head and smiling weakly. "Elena you have to mean this, really mean this because I can't take it if you change your mind and go back to Stefan. Seriously Elena, I can't. I don't know what I'd do if I had you then lost you." He looked at her in desperation, terrified she'd take it all back.

"I know who I can't lose Damon and it's you." She whispered back, determination written across her face. She stood up and walked steadily

towards him. "I love you, Damon Salvatore and it will always be you."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and gently placed a kiss on his lips. Damon froze once more in shock before slowly kissing her back.

Elena felt light headed and dizzy kissing Damon. It felt so right and so perfect that she almost laughed at the clichè of it all. She'd been so blind and so stubborn and she'd nearly given up the only person who ever made her feel alive.

Damon couldn't believe he was actually kissing her right now. She loved him. Elena loved him. She wasn't pretending, wasn't playing him for her own amusement. He was finally loved back and he felt the happiest he'd ever been in his whole existence just having her say the words he'd wanted to hear for 150 years.

He broke reluctantly from the kiss to give her air, resting his forehead against hers and wrapping his arms around her waist, hugging her to him. "Please tell me this isn't a dream."

She laughed quietly, god how he loved that sound. "It's not a dream. I love you."

His eyes lit up and he smiled genuinely, happiness colouring his features and making him even more beautiful than ever. "God, I'm never going to get tired of hearing you say that."

"Good because you have no idea how good it feels to finally say it out loud." She smiled back and kissed him again.

"When I tell you I love you too I don't say it out of habit or to make conversation. I say it to remind you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me. This won't be easy you know. We'll fight and we'll argue and eventually one of us will leave. I guarantee there will be tough times; I guarantee that at some point, one, or both of us is going to want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee, that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of forever...because I know in my heart you are the only one for me" Damon said quietly.

"I know we will fight and I know we will want to kill each other because we're both too damn stubborn for our own good, but I can live with that as long as you promise you'll always come back because I know I can't live without you even if you do make me want to kill you half of the time." She laughed and shook her head.

"I couldn't leave you if I tried. I wouldn't have left earlier. Not really. I've tried hundreds of times to just shut it off and walk away but it would hurt me more to leave you than it ever would to stay."

"I guess we're stuck with each other then." She smiled.

"I better get used to being a...boyfriend." Damon shuddered in mock horror.

"We have to tell Stefan first." Elena said, immediately sobering up at the prospect of telling her boyfriend that she's leaving him for his brother.

"We could always just run away." Damon suggested halfheartedly. "Less drama."

"I couldn't do that to him and you couldn't either. As much as you like to pretend you don't care the truth is you've never stopped." She leaned her head on his chest and closed her eyes.

"Okay, fine. But you'll probably have to do the talking anyway because if I do it then I'm just going to gloat." Damon shrugged.

Elena punched him on the arm and shook her head in amusement.

"Come on, Elena. You have to do better than that if you want to hurt me." He smirked.

"Ha ha. Just wait 'til I can really punch then we'll see if you're really as tough as you claim to be. No more unfair advantage with those super abilities." She stuck out her tongue and backed out of his embrace, walking towards the bed and getting in.

"You're serious? You'd really turn for me?" Damon asked quizzically.

"Well I'm not turning into a cougar and having thousands of younger girls throwing themselves all over you thinking I'm your mother." Elena said in mock disgust.

"I'll ignore every one of them because I only want you." He said seriously. "It doesn't matter whether you're human and aging or a vampire and forever young. I love you and that will never change."

"Thank you but one lifetime with you isn't enough and I wouldn't want to leave you alone." She replied smiling.

"Elena, I understand if you're saying this because you think it's what I want to hear but it's a lot to give up. If you're with me you can't have children and you're too maternal to not have children. I can't give you a family." He said sadly.

"Then we'll adopt. It's not a big deal Damon and anyway that's years from now. I haven't even finished college yet. We can talk about this tomorrow. Now are you staying or going because it's been a really long day and if I don't sleep soon I'll pass out." She yawned and settled into her double bed closing her eyes.

"You want me to sleep in your bed? With you?" Damon asked eyebrows raised in happy disbelief.

"Would you rather sleep on the floor?" She laughed.

"Well I'd probably get to actually have covers if I did sleep on the floor..." He smirked.

Elena grabbed a cushion from one side of her bed and threw it at him. "Well if that's how you feel about it, the floors all yours." She smirked back and laid down.

"Hey, vampire remember. I don't get cold anyway and hell would freeze over before I turned down the chance to sleep with you." He winked and began removing his clothes.

"We're sleeping Damon not sleeping together." She rolled her eyes and pulled back the covers for him.

"Yet." He replied grinning.

"Ugh, why do I love you again? You're so annoying." Elena turned away as he got into bed, hyper aware of the fact that he was only in his boxers and that she was wearing a vest top and tiny shorts.

"Well judging by the fact that you're blushing and your hearts practically leaping from your chest I guess I'm just irresistible. And you haven't even seen me naked yet." Damon wiggled his eyebrows and smirked.

"Just shut up and go to sleep, Damon." Elena mumbled fighting to slow her heart rate down.

She felt warm arms wrap around her waist and pull her backwards, sending her heart into a more frantic rhythm than before.

"Calm down, Elena. I'm just getting comfy." He said hugging her to his chest and settling his chin on top of her head.

She sighed and relaxed into his embrace before turning around to face him, burying her face in his chest.

"Night, Damon." She smiled.

"Night, Elena." He whispered back feeling more peaceful than he had ever felt in 150 years. "I love you."

"Love you, too." She whispered back, sleepily.

His heart soared with happiness as he relaxed into sleep, thinking about how much better the next 150 years would be as long as he could fall to sleep with Elena in his arms every night.


End file.
